If death will forbid

Posted: November 5, 2010 in my tears and joy

I’m scared and I can’t sleep one night when i think of this. For almost a year i was thinking what if I die what will happen to my family? What will happen to me? I know that you are also thinking about death and you are also scared.

Out of my fear i was thinking if what are those things that i wanted to have before i die. You, what are those things that you wanted to have before you die? What if I had only 24 hours living in this freaking world because we don’t know what will happen the next morning, is it a happy morning or a mourning right?

I think about that also. I don’t have money to leave for my family. I don’t have a pension and treasure that my family will enjoy. I am not rich but Bok and Ingke will tease me that you are rich indeed, rich of friends that cannot be reach. Hahahah! See, we are rich, rich of memories and friends.

So what if that will happen, we don’t know right? My mom and I lying in the bed one night watching television and i told her that mom if i will die Bok will sing me the psalm ” how lovely is your dwelling place every during my wake and burial coz i love that song. And also the warrior is a child since i am a child behind the armour. I am fighting and people know that i keep on smiling but behind that my tears are falling. And also the song “impossible dream” since I always dream about unrealistic dream but for me it will be wrong today but sooner or later that would be correct coz knowledge is not constant it will keep on growing.”

When i told that to my mom her tears fall down in her cheeks. But i smile and told her that is only what if mom, but we will be in that case but not now. Just dream and live life happily. Live it to the max that you are thinking in a positive way and be thankful to God that everyday is a good and best day.

When I read the book of Rick Warren, “The Purpose Driven Life” it was written that death is not the end of everything, it is not a period but it is a comma. I love it. So meaning there would be life after death, still not death but it is a new life. You can call it death if no one will care, trust, hope and love you. That is death for me.

So if i had 24 hours in my life? Hmmm… that’s weird maybe i would rather be in a silent place where I wanted to talk to God and feel sorry to what had happen in my life before.


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