Stirring my Christmas wish list

Posted: November 25, 2010 in my tears and joy


When I was a kid I do believe in Santa Clause and now still the same. I’m hoping that Santa is true. I’m hoping that Santa exist in this world and this period of time. Santa Clause where are you?

If Santa Clause exist I will wish only for one thing, one thing. I need to start a wish list this Christmas. Even though I hate Christmas but I have to think that Christmas is not just the same past years. But still I hate Christmas.

I hope that Santa is reading my list. But before I need to run my list here I would like to say thank you for granting my wish list during my birthday last 2007. Thank you so much for that!

Here is my wish;

I wish that the kid that my mom baby sit with will be healed by her illness. I hope that it will never diagnose as leukemia. I’m scared of loosing that baby girl. She was just 3 year old. She was pretty good and I promised her to have a barbie doll during this Christmas.

This is the first time that I feel to be a brother of her. I tried to be happy but deep inside of me right now is a piece of crap. I’m pretending that I am not affected but I am affected to what had happen to her. I can’t imagine that beautiful angel will suffer that hazardous disease.

I’m trying to laugh and I’m trying to smile and smirk but my hands are shaking and I don’t know what to do if that will be the findings of the Physician that will diagnose her. It was so sudden that people will try to misinterpret me today. I am upset right now and was so sad. But I keep on smiling and I keep myself being a clown. A clown that will smile all day and that will work hard just to let the people know that I am not affected. But I am upset. I am upset right now. I don’t want to talk to that issue but still I don’t have the right person to talk to.

I hope that it will rain tonight so that I maybe able to go under the rain and cried. I can’t breath and this issue is a breathtaking one. If I had a problem that pull me out so much I will make myself to be the clown that always smile whole day. Keep on smiling even if it was hurt. Keep smiling but I can’t keep my tears running down my cheeks.

I’m not a perfect brother to my sisters but this little girl is a heaven sent to me. She will be a good girl and a brilliant girl. This coming Saturday November 27, 2010 they will be having the bone marrow exam for this little angel. Please God I’m begging you to save her and cast her away in the illness called leukemia. She is innocent and You will make away.

To let you know if I am really active and keep on smiling it means that I’m avoiding myself to cry. I know that I can do this. I can do this. I can! Help me Lord and save my little angel from harm. Right now, I keep on smiling and the colleagues of mine misinterpret me. If they know how does it feel and how much pain was injected in my heart now.

Please…. Please…

Thank you!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s