“Huling Himig”

Bakit kung sa panahon na ikay masasaktan mata moy luhaan?

At lahat ng mga musika ay parang kutsilyo na nakabaon sa iyong dibdib

Na kahit anong limot mo sa nakaraan

Babalik at babalik parin ang napakahapdi na kahapon

Kahit pilitin mong ipikit ang iyong mga mata sa iyong nakikita

Pero dama mo parin ang isang bangungot nang umaga

Bangungot na hindi mo makalimotan katulad ng iyong mga ngiti

Ang iyong mga halik, ang iyong boses na parang isang awit

Ang iyong mukha na parang santo sa mga simbahan

At ang iyong awit na nagpapaligaya sa aking dibdib noun pa man

Dama ko ang lungkot at kawalan ng akoy iyong iniwan

Na kahit sa pagkain ko ay di ko kayang malunok sabaw man o kakanin

Pero kinaya kung mabuhay na wala ka sa tabi ko

Dahil alam kung sa pagkasawi ng aking puso maraming pagbabago nito

Magbabago ang takbo ng buhay ko dahil wala ka na sa piling ko

Mamimis ko ang bawat tono ng iyong mga halik

Pero alam kung masasanay din ako na kantahin ang himig na ito na mag isa

Naramdaman ko ang kalungkutan nung hindi ko na marinig ang himig mo

Nung naging pipi ako at ayaw ko nang kantahin mga awit mo

Naging mapamintas ako at nawala ako sa sarili ko

Dahil nasaktan ako, nasaktan ako nang sobra

Normal lang yun dahil tao lang ako na marunong umiyak

Salamat dahil marami akong natutunan sa ating pagmamahalan

Dahil natutu akong maging matatag nang nawala ka sa aking piling

Natutu akong tumawa nung umalis ka

Natutu akong mahalin ang sarili ko at maging isang malaya at masaya

Alam mo ikaw parin ang paborito kung kanta dito sa puso ko

Na kahit wala na tayo palagi ko itong pinapakinggan araw man at gabi

Hanggang maririnig ko ang huling himig nito

Dito sa nasaktan at natutu kung puso.

“The Osmena Peak: Sneak Peak to Heaven”

Yes! Indeed! Since I don’t have any budget to have the Sagada, Ilocos, Baguio City, and Batanes Group of Islands then I want to have the Osmena Peak. I love the place it’s like a peso trip to heaven. The nature is kissing my poor soul and invading my entire self. I don’t understand my feelings at that time with the same guys that I’m with last summer that we had.

One of my bucket lists to travel in Osmena Peak. At last! Hahahaha… It’s a nice experience to invade the area.

Hope to have the Sagada and etc. next year! Slowly but surely! Hahahahah!!!!

“Last Summer 2015”

(photo by: zack tagalo)

I want that I have the greatest journey on earth, where sunrise is the best painting that colors my entire life. This is the first time of this year to view the sunrise over this salty water. I’m hoping that next month i can have the travel over Osmena Peak.
But anyways no matter how many pains that im facing at least you give the best fight on it. As long as you wear your shield of happiness and you are enjoying every tick of the clock.

I love watching Mr. Sun again. I love watching him painted the entire body of the sea with serenity. See? No matter how hot is the summer as long as you don’t give up then that’s what we called happiness.

Last 2008 is the last time i took myself in the sea and yesterday that was the first time i saw and smell its fragrance. The aroma of the past will always reminds me saying don’t forget to smile.

Oh Mr. Sun, yesterday is one of the happiest day ever. Thanks for the invitations anyway. Even if i lost my voice but the mixture of my emotion joins this beautiful sunrise at my back. I love you Mr. Sunrise!!

At last, before this moment ends i have some beautiful memories with my friends and my baboy KIbin Kbot Kpop who always protect me and gives his caress. Thank you!!

Mr. Sunrise i will see you again..

Having a Boyfriend like You

 

I don’t understand why they called love as “Mysterious”? Why the world love is very dangerous and I don’t even know what the heck is going on if you are being pulled by the power of gravitational force they called “love”. Even Einstein and Newton wasn’t able to characterize if these things were the mystery of the black hole in the universe or any related theories about gravity and its supernatural vigor.

When you feel the word love in your heart it will shattered out in your mind. You don’t know what to do; you are talking unaccompanied and gone astray the scents and the name of the person you’d love. You are fantasizing that you are the prince and the princess but way a minute we are not talking about the archetypal love of the person here. We are talking regarding the love that I’m on right now.

I felt in love to the person that will never love you. I trust someone that never trusted you. I’m hoping the people that never had the instance to come again in your way. I think that’s love. You are annoyingly creating some wrong doings over the hypothetical way of the ordinary person. But maybe that is love. Love is a drug that always being prescribed by a numbers of doctors and it was proven and tested.

Right now, I am with this person who changes my whole life. Who painted a stunning image in the canvass of my existence. I am now with this person that trying to embrace me of whom I am and what I am. It’s like moving the heaven and earth towards you. It’s like creating a new strength or a new contraption of my life in a certain distance. I’m so thankful that I met him. Yes! Him! He is Mhark Khevin Antipuesto, the person that on the whole lives in a decent family. His mother is a public teacher and he is also a licensed teacher and teaching in a private school near in their house.

He transform my whole life, as sales person whose making a reservation daily in a foreign country that those people who are calling us are my virtual customers. I don’t know if they are white or black as long as I treated them well and they book a room with me then it’s good to go.

We are almost 2 years in a relationship, fun loving boyfriend that I’m scared of losing him one day. Even in a single second or minute when he was not in my side I felt unfilled. His text messages and calls mitigate me of being unaided in my space and in my life. I always visited him during weekends and talks a lot. I’m his official secretary; I’m the one who created his lesson plans, his grades and listening to his daily complaint and its part of being a boyfriend of a person that accepts you of who you are. He introduced me to his sets of friends and classmates and his family too. I felt comfortable of being me when I am with him. I don’t even know how fortunate I am to have him as my boyfriend.

You know what he is not my emblematic boyfriend. He is more than what I thought. He is the one who encourages me when I’m behind and friendless. He is the one who painted a smirk when I am miserable and blue. He is the one that fulfill my fancy that I’m beating two birds in one stone, a best friend and boy friend. I think that God gave me him so that I may realize that love will never take place in a single phase, but love provides two faces: happiness and pain.

He shares everything to me, his resentment, his happiness and his victory over a rocky day. I shared him also my frustrations, my dreams, and my plans in life. I never met a person like this. It’s like lying in the grass in the middle of nowhere watching those beautiful stars while I’m holding his hands. I know that this is a potion of love where both of us are under on it.

The weirdest thing about us is that we have different tastes of everything. He loves comedy and love story while me?? I love horror movies, suspense, and those movies that garnered an award in Oscar or any film festivals. He loves music that new to my ears and I love classical music that old enough to everyone’s capability of listening. I admit it I’m oldie, old fashioned guy who’s living in the other side of the world. He is younger than me; I think its 5 years gap from both of us. But one thing we both love is food. We love to eat anywhere but sad to say when I was diagnosed with Amoebiasis I wasn’t able to find a good place to eat.

I found him a responsible person to all the girls and boys that I have a relationship with. That would be the reason that I can’t move on when he told me that his ex boyfriend ditch him without a strong reason. That guy is pathetic! I don’t even know what those reasons that useless guy hurts him are. But one thing is in my mind if they never separate their ways there were no possible things that me and him will find our ways to fall in love.

Sometimes I dream that one day I’ll be building my own house and have my own car with him in my side. That our hairs are gray and we keep our smiling face together as one happy family. That one day inside my sweet dreams that we are crossing the street, hard to walk but holding hands and showing to the people that this is what they called love. Where there were no boundaries and limitations, where there were no harsh words that will be thrown against us of being gays. Where there were no eyes of discriminations that churn us one by one. That one day people in this world will accept us of who we are and what we are. That one day we can also build our own family with the blessings of the people. I am certain that it will be perhaps happening one day.

One Liter of Tears: A glance of joy and happiness

 

“I write because writing is the evidence that I am still alive”

– 1 liter of tears, Aya Kito

 

I just completed watching the Japanese Series that was based in a true story entitled “1 Liter of Tears”. It was being showed in GMA 7, a Philippine Channel station here in my country years ago. I wasn’t able to watch the series in Filipino dubbed since I’m working throughout the night time. I’m a bit busy at that time but now I had the opportunity to momentary look and finished the series on my own in my room.

It’s a story of a little dreamer, a 15 year old Japanese girl that was diagnosed by an incurable disease called Spinocerebellar Degeneration. The disease can cause one person to be paralyzed and losing the control of their body and at the end they will be unable to eat, to walk and to talk. Her family and friends are hoping her to surpass the great battle in this malady but she can’t afford to refrain hurting herself in the heartless glance of the people surrounds her. The verdict of their eyes stabbed her at the back and started losing her hope and become helpless. Since this struggle continues she always wear a smile and continue writing her diary and saying that “I write because writing is the evidence that I am still alive”.

Her battle handicapped me in a mere wink. I was thinking how this girl continues her fight with a shield of smile and the sword of encouragement? How come she can do this if I was in her position I don’t even know if I will pick the pieces of me or continue living in the dark corner of this malady? Her weaknesses become her strength, and she believes that her mobility is not the hindrance of being her. The way how she think and she write over this piece is like creating a monument that I and my fellowmen will be inspired in every page.

The story is inspiring but tragic. It creates a kind of manifestation and influence in my life. The time, the time how many time that I have left in my life? How am I supposed to spend the quality time to myself, to my family and to the person that I loved? Life is really fragile, if you lose it then it doesn’t mean that you are already defeated some of the victorious battle ends bloody like hell but some of the battle continues after the war. I was wondering if how I can treasure the last drop of the tears that I have. How will I start the battle without knowing where to start and where to end and become victorious? Every time I’m watching the Japanese series I can’t handle to wipe my tears dropping unconsciously. I already spent more than 1 liter of tears for this.

Aya Kito, you inspired me on how to treasure the single moment of time that I had. This series is remarkable and I admit it I love the plot of it. I’m hoping that one day I’ll be able to read your diary or the novel perhaps. Every tickle of the time delivers a new you and a new me, but that moment it can be more meaningful if you treasure those characters behind you. Your optimism inspired me so much; I hope I can have an ounce of that to win my daily battle. That event in my life still continues to roll but I need to be more positive in viewing my life. Your life story motivated me, even if you’re no longer with us still your memories will be living in your family and in my mind too. Harigatu Gozimasu Aya!

In this life the only strategy that we are equipped is on how to handle your positivity during the battle. It is how you will wear the shield of smile and the sword of encouragement till the last drop of your tears.

The Unsung Notes of Music

 

The real hero fights for his people not for his business. The public servant loves his people not his wealth. The real Mandela thinks about his people not about his WEALTH comparing to the late PRES. CORY AQUINO hiding during the chaos of MARTIAL LAW in our country.

The person who loves his country is more aware of his people not caring about what he owns and what he has. While reading some article of NELSON MANDELA OF SOUTH AFRICA his fighting for the equality OF THE BLACK AFRICAN PEOPLE coz he believe that freedom doesn’t have the color to take on. Freedom chooses no color, no races, and no levels and is provided equally. Freedom is the dream of everybody from Middle East to South Africa, from United Kingdom to United States of America, China to Southeast Asia but these dreams slowly achieved by everybody.  Freedom slowly penetrated in the skin of every nation.

I am also inspired of AUNG SAN SUU KYI, where she’s fighting and face the struggle in Myanmar. She fought for the freedom of her country against the unscrupulous Juntas that created Myanmar in the dark ages. AUNG SAN SUU KYI faced the guns in her face, eating threats, and was convicted for freedom. She was arrested because of FIGHTING FOR FREEDOM IN MYANMAR and she’s not hiding in her own dean.

Another man fights to end the communist single party in China and was convicted fighting for freedom without any fear. Fear that comes with devastation you at the end of the day. Fear that becomes your nightmare. But for Li Xiabo of China his conviction is not for his self, his fight is not for his own satisfaction but this fight that his facing is for his countrymen that suffers against the claws of communism in China. His positivity about his advocates made me think that why these persons are not born in our country maybe God put them with purpose. Maybe God put them to let our eyes open. Why these people live in where pain and sufferings are their breakfast and the darkness of their cages during their time of imprisonment are their yard. Why these people are convicted for the sake of other people? Why??

I hope that one day we will learn to love our country. We will learn to enhance the resources that we had. Our country has natural resources that is abundant and tremendous but was use in a wrong way. I hope that one day we will be having the same dreams and ambitions that instead of embracing the hallucination word called “FREEDOM” it will become true and genuine. I hope that there were leaders in our country who cares the welfare of every Filipino not by how much is the RETURN OF INVESTMENTS he will be having. I hope that one day when I open my eyes there will be no tears from the struggle of our dear brothers and sisters, there were any ravenous brood opening their palms begging for food. I hope that there will be no HOMELESS people roaming around without descent abode.

I hope that one day there would be no silence of ignorance and fright that will lead us to finish our scuffle without experiencing the authentic outgrowth of free will. I hope that my dreams will be your dreams that someday there would be leader to stand in front of us opening his palm, swallowing his pride and talks no debris of lie in front of the people. Let’s try to rebuild the weakling edifice of our government, to enhance the judiciary system, the national security and opens the country for international businesses to improve our sinking economy. Let us not close our eyes to every melodramatic life of our people but be sensitive enough to formulate new strategies in eradicating the poverty immediately in every palm. Let us collaborate and fabricate a new country with hope, faith and love that rules at the end of the day.

When rejection hits me

It was awful and was hurt when rejection hits me. But for others it would be the end of the world and for me it is the beginning of my journey. It is the first step to the journey of the new beginning.

It was the day that i applied as a Quality Assurance Representative in the company that I am with before. It is really my ambition to have that position because I want to check what mess I had done. I know that it is not easy for me to do that.

I have  a dream why i wanted to have that prestigious position. Even before I dream to become a Quality Analyst in the prestigious company. I was with Northern Telcoworks, then I was with the Qualfon philippines Inc., then I was with the ICT Marketing Services, then at the Foxgate, then I was with Teletech and then back to the Northern Telcoworks. After joining another company I dream that I want to be the catalyst of change. I want but I can’t make any footstep since I am really a neophyte in this field.

But when I was with the ICT Marketing Services Inc. i applied as A team Leader and dream to handle people whom i wanted to be my friends. But that was not easy. I was being rejected and my application was torn apart at my back. It was really hurt but i smiled and keep dreaming on it.

I was with the Northern early this year and ambition to be one of the Quality Assurance but unfortunately I am again rejected. Rejected but I never loose hope. I know and I believe that popular people also suffered and feel the emptiness of rejection. There were lots of rejection that they face before they have there popularity.

I think that it is not easy to have a big dream. But that dream that i had will still i wanted to pursuit. That is my happiness and that would be the best of my life. To make a dream is one of my happiness if i pursuit on it. The foundation of all ambition is rejection.

“Don’t stop dreaming” according to Mrs. Unabia my teacher in high school. She always told me like that. Yes! I will never stop dreaming. I know that every rejection is a ladder to success. So rejection beware of me don’t make me weak because I am not scared of you! hahahah!

When I dream high and fall deep

 
My dream…

Hahahahah! Childish but fun. Hmmmmmm… I can’t think as of now but let’s try to have it now.

As a person we have also a dream, a dream sometimes impossible but sometimes possible. Sometimes people will try to laugh about my dreams, it is really impossible to an idiot and fool like to me to get that ambitions but i always think in the brighter side.

I remember when I was a kid my playmates always tease me about being weak. Yes I am! But i don’t care. Hahahaha! Strong doesn’t mean that you can beat people out of nowhere, you can bully them, you can defeat them in a fist fight or you can kill them. Strong means a lot for me, it is winning not against other person but winning through conquering your weaknesses. Strong meaning you are really strong by facing your weaknesses and you can handle the problem wisely. Hahahahah! got nosebleed…

But when my playmates tease me I told them that one day i will become a lawyer. A lawyer that will protect the rights of every individual, a pro life lawyer and for the poor lawyer. A lawyer that is against discrimination. Weeeee…. way back when i was a kid.

My mom told me to become a nautical. Because we have a relative that is a captain. Hmmmmm…. i don’t kow how to swim… don’t like to swim either… heheheh!

When I reached my high school days still in my mind is to become a nautical but i was wondering if i can do that.

I have also an ambition to be part of the speech and drama club when i was in high school. When I saw the team winning the speech choir competition iwas so inspired and eger to join the team. But people are teasing me. Some of the Speech and drama club member in our school 99% of them are from the pilot section. But I never belong to that section. I start doing an ambition when I was in the second year high school. Dreaming to be part of that club. Somehow I join them, totally join them and was an official member in the year 2003.

I also love writing. The first poem that i had written when I was in high school,it was written in a rubbish english. hhahahaha! I forgot the title. Anyway, I do have an ambition to be part of the school publication and can join some of the presscon outside the campus. But journalism in our school, members and contributors totally are pilot section or the section one students. But I was in the section 8th before when i was second year. And in the year 2003 I am an official member of the publication and become there sports writer in Filipino and join the presscon in Sibonga, Cebu. That was a good experience in dreaming right?

When i was in high school, i am really curious. And out of curiousity sometimes you will got hurt and sometimes you will succeed. I was also dreaming to have my own play that was played in the school and yet I was the one who is the director and the writer in the play inspiring the theory adn teaching of Ms. Elizabeth Gorres our adviser in Speech and Drama Club,when I was in my fourth year high school. Fortunately we won and I never expect it because it was a great competation, but i never grab the price on it I grab the experience to be part in my life. We never won as the best director, the best script, the best actor and actress but in our experience it is the best part of our life. Since all of our competators are teachers in our district.

In the field of science and technology also I have an ambition to calculate the speed of light and be part of the investigatory. All of the entry somehow are medicals and inventions and my Physics mentor never support me at that time because my proposal is a Theoritical Physics and she told me that theoritical physics is not the scope of the investigatory. So she never consider my theory but one mentor in our school tried to support me. She believes on me and believing in my theory. She is a biology teacher, how come that a biology teacher support a theoritical physics? hehehehh! just wondering… but we failed, till now that theory is under my investigation and i need to study it more. And when the competition is over my Physics teacher told me that if I join the contest I am very unique because my concept was there and the theoritical physics is including to the contest. I never feel regret maybe it is not the time for it.

Sometimes people will try to think that my ambitions is kind of absurding but for me its not. This is my dream, this is not about you but this is about me.

When high school seems to end i wonder what would be the next step that i want to take up. There were lots of discouragement in my life. I dont have money to take the DOST scholarship, and i am late to enroll in college. And my parents can’t support my tuition in college. I weep and thought that this is the end but I think positive and make an alternate way.

But I never loose hope. I prefer to be an engineer. An engineering who cannot build a building because i studied a computer engineering. Hahahahah! But that would be fine. Later on, there were lots of small dreams that was in my life.

I cried a lot when i dont have money to pay my tuition in college. I stop in college. College is really expensive and life is really more than expensive. I stop and got to work to support my family. I work and work but never stop in dreaming.

I read more english books and read more books. I was in the church at that time. I was wondering and dream again if I can be a call center agent to support my family since call center agent is really a big job here. So i tried to practice my english even though I have a bad accent its my first time you know. And my friends in the church told me that you cannot be an agent because you don’t know how to speak english well and you are not conversant. But i smile and put it in my mind that I can be one of them, sitting and talking to an American one day.

I start applying as a call center agent last 2007. Sarcasms are there and it seems they are trying to pull you down. I was so hopeless at that time. I can’t express myself well in english and I am not conversant according to the one who interviewed me. My friends in the church tease me that how many times you applied and never been part of it, just stop your foolishness and your freaking dream to be part of that industry. I feel down at that time but I never give up.

Don’t give up that was in my mind at that time. Don’t give up. Don’t give up, fight and you know you can do it. After several months I am officially a call center agent. I got the job officially in January in Qualfon Philippines Inc. but our training was cancelled again I was down. But August 2007 I work with an outbound call center in the heart of Cebu at Northern Telcoworks Inc. I thought it was the last and I was hopeless but i keep on dreaming.

I worked in an outbound and inbound call centers in Cebu. Small and big businesses. See dreaming? putting an ambition in your self is like putting a goal.

The next play I had is when I become a member of the college drama club. I am a full time call center agent and a full time student with commitment to literature in terms of play in our school. I wrote a play and was showed in Fuente Osmena and it was a great experience then. I never want the fame but I want just to fullfil my ambitions and dream.

I also dream that someday I can publish a novel, an english novel that would be the New York’s Best seller… hhahaha! or else grabing the oppurtunity to win the prestigious Nobel Prize Award and the first filipino who won in literature or in science and technology… hahahhaha! or winning the first Filipino Indie director and Actor to win the prestigious Oscar awards. ahahaha!
Or studying in MIT or Harvard or Yale University… hahahah!

A man that is afraid of falling down in there dreams are coward and chicken hearted. They are scared to feel the hurt of dreaming coz not all the time dreams are good sometimes it will turn into nightmares and the good thing is that you know how to stand whenever your down. Even if people will try to mock you,  stand up and be proud at least you have the experience in learning. Don’t be afraid to learn and to feel the emptiness of hurt. It is normal. We are human. when we got hurt at least we learn something new in our life.

You know what I want? Not the money nor the fame but the experience in doing that. I was wondering if what would be that experience for? If your down then don’t give up. Tell all the people that you know what you are doing and you can achieve what you want. Keep on dreaming. All of the famous people in earth are dreaming and have a great capacity of determination. Follow your dreams! For me the real happiness is when you can do what people think that you cannot do… Dream high and Dream big!